Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Ruined Also

I have been following Scribing the Journey, Duane Scott’s blog. He recently made a trip to Haiti. And, yes, his words are heart breaking.

Often we wonder, “What can we do?” And I’m not sure. But the other day I had an awakening—a moment that stopped me in my tracks.

We were watching a Christian movie that dealt with some serious issues, and I was bemoaning the fact that the plotline was full of holes. My son said, “Why don’t you write a better one?”

I answered my son that it would destroy me. Destroy the coldness

As I was writing in my journal the other day about my work in progress, I started to say “as I watched the scene” instead of “as I wrote the scene.” You see, when I write, I am living the scene. I am feeling the pain. I am an emotional wreck.

Can I write stories that delve into the darkest recesses of people’s minds, feeling the horror, the pain, the distress? I don’t know. I don’t know if I have the emotional strength or the talent or the clarity of mind to do so.

Duane Scott went to Haiti. He came back ruined.  Am I a true servant of God, willing to go through all to serve other? Listen to Paul: As servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.~2 Corinthians 6:4-10

Perhaps I can say with Paul, Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.~2 Corinthians 4:1, even though I am simply a jar of clay, fragile, breakable. Perhaps it is my ministry to write the hard things. Perhaps I will be ruined also, but that may well be a good thing.

For it is only when we’re ruined in this life that we’re fit for the next.

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